swimming

I'm so glad to be back on this. I could not sign in because whenever I tried it did a weird loop thing. I found out how to fix it, but I couldn't do it. I'm not very computer savvy. I'm using a different browser now. I like to do this because hardly no one reads this and it's way better than facebook. So, we are done with swim lessons. The kids did a great job. They will probably all go back next year to improve their strokes. Haley will need further lessons she was just too goofy when she did her lessons. I'm so glad it's done last week was so hard because we had to be there at 7 and the kids and I are not morning people. I have taken 2 swim lessons and I still can't let go of the kickboard. I just don't know how to do it. I never learned to swim as a child and the paralizing fear and overthinking it just gets me. They said the class was for beginners or for people wanting to improve their stroke. I am the only one in the class that did not know how to swim. I look stupid and I'm helpless and I hate that feeling. I didn't go last Thursday because I used the weather as an excuse. It's funny how we can come up with excuses so readily. I don't know if I'll ever let go of the kickboard. I tried it yesterday and it just feels like I'm going to drown. I don't know how to float on my own and you'd think it would be easy with all the extra weight. It all comes down to fear. My instructor is a certified lifeguard she says that there is no way I will drown because she wouldn't let it happen. I understand the logic, but fear still takes over. This is a metaphor for life and the lifeguard represents our savior. She holds on to the kickboard and pulls me while I kick and hold the other end. She doesn't let go unless I want her to. I don't want her to. I don't know if I will ever want her to. It's comforting to know that our savior is there for us to hang on to for dear life when times are tough. We don't ever have to loosen the grip if we don't want to. We can though. We can use the principles and teachings that he has given us and spread our wings. It's comforting to know that like a lifeguard he will always be within reach to rescue us from the abyss. I feel like writing more but the kids are needing my attention.